Madness personified ?

Today was my meeting with the chief East Midlands expert on mental health, but first I had to go through lots of preliminary questions from one of her trainee guys with warm, slightly sweaty hands. He was very pleasant and attempted to go through my medical life history and my childhood in around 30 minutes,after which I was transferred to the chief phsyciatrist's office, a very pleasant large lady who reminded me of  Mrs. Fleckney, a lovely lady who lived in a nearby village during my childhood.

After a brief discussion she suggested I I need a higher dose of my new "happy pill ", the very one I was blaming for my recent diabetic maladies and my latest bout of unsteadiness. I told her I knew of the results of trials in the USA and the Philipines all revealing the drug does not work well with diabetics, indeed, the latter no longer use it in such circumstances. My shrink dismissed this as only applicable to low doses, not the higher dosage suggested. After several minutes of discussion and no possible alternatives I reluctantly accepted her "remedy", with the proviso I could phase myself off MIRTAZAPINE if the current problems persisted, to which she agreed. A further appointment will be made in 6 weeks.

Sunshine and dinner

A bright morning and an equally bright me,so we booked dinner at one of our favourite local pub/restaurants.

More of the same

Today started sunny but quickly returned to heavy rain. We took a couple of  broken -up wooden garden chairs to the dump but did not get charged on this occasion, perhaps due to the rain. The gate man appeared warm and dry in his hut, queried what we had on board and waved us through. It was a  saving of £9 on our last visit.

Rain,rain,sun

I have more or less slept for two rainy days,my fuzzy head having returned. Today is sunny but the fuzzy head remains, sadly.

Lights at end of tunnel yet again.

The second visit of my new "suicide nurse " only lasted a few minutes as he was satisfied I was in a much better place, but will be back next week. He is not the most inspiring character, it has to be said.

He suggested I take up "Airfix" modelling. No comment.

Over the weekend I spent a whole day at my gardening "job", packed lunch and all. It went very well and I even managed to walk home.

Today an electrician spent the day fixing pendant and roof lights to our freshly decorated upstairs corridor,and amazingly smart it looks too. One of the new lights had been used and damaged before, but the suppliers John Lewis, offered to supply and fit a new one next week, great service as usual. The box had been carefully re-sealed, hence the delay in discovery.

Yet again I felt good, although I had a funny moment whilst admiring the completed pendant light, reminding me full recovery is still to be achieved.

A brighter future?

We had a very relaxing weekend with Joel and Sophie ( son and partner ) at their new flat on the outskirts of Manchester. Joel finishes training for his new job tomorrow and the pair appear very happy and settled.

I guess I walked in excess of a mile on Sunday around Tatton park gardens ( National Trust ) with no ill effects and at the moment I feel good. Long may it last.

The weather over recent days has been gloriously sunny and warm, which helps my mood, and the house decorating is virtually completed at last,which equals less stress. My new anti - suicide nurse makes his second visit this afternoon.

A more settled but wobbly life

Having discussed the matter with my nurse and Lynne I decided to continue with my new anti-suicide drugs a little longer to see if things "settled down" I have to admit my mood has improved and life has taken on a "smoother perspective ",although  balance and walking has sadly regressed. The dreams have ceased, but, sleepiness is worse. I find a two hour snooze late morning or early afternoon seems to help.

Review of past few days.

For some reason Helen ( my physician nurse) decided to change my anti-depression tablet to a new one "with no side effects". That phrase always worries me. What drug has ever had no side effects?

In the event, after taking the first one I had a dream of epic proportions, involving the queen, Regent's Park zoo,my old school choir, rowing club and our Toyota Previa, long since passed-on.It never reached the end as Lynne woke me in the middle of a loud conversation between me driving and a podgy choir member on the back seat,wondering who I was talking to.

It scared me, being so life-like.

Dog house

I awoke feeling OK but slightly unsteady,until my anti-suicide nurse Helen popped in to see me around 11.00 am, after which Helen stayed for around and hour and a half we had an in-depth and open conversation around my relationship with Lynne .The day continued extremely quietly while  we visited a garden centre after which the atmosphere gradually improved somewhat.