Lights at end of tunnel yet again.

The second visit of my new "suicide nurse " only lasted a few minutes as he was satisfied I was in a much better place, but will be back next week. He is not the most inspiring character, it has to be said.

He suggested I take up "Airfix" modelling. No comment.

Over the weekend I spent a whole day at my gardening "job", packed lunch and all. It went very well and I even managed to walk home.

Today an electrician spent the day fixing pendant and roof lights to our freshly decorated upstairs corridor,and amazingly smart it looks too. One of the new lights had been used and damaged before, but the suppliers John Lewis, offered to supply and fit a new one next week, great service as usual. The box had been carefully re-sealed, hence the delay in discovery.

Yet again I felt good, although I had a funny moment whilst admiring the completed pendant light, reminding me full recovery is still to be achieved.

A brighter future?

We had a very relaxing weekend with Joel and Sophie ( son and partner ) at their new flat on the outskirts of Manchester. Joel finishes training for his new job tomorrow and the pair appear very happy and settled.

I guess I walked in excess of a mile on Sunday around Tatton park gardens ( National Trust ) with no ill effects and at the moment I feel good. Long may it last.

The weather over recent days has been gloriously sunny and warm, which helps my mood, and the house decorating is virtually completed at last,which equals less stress. My new anti - suicide nurse makes his second visit this afternoon.

A more settled but wobbly life

Having discussed the matter with my nurse and Lynne I decided to continue with my new anti-suicide drugs a little longer to see if things "settled down" I have to admit my mood has improved and life has taken on a "smoother perspective ",although  balance and walking has sadly regressed. The dreams have ceased, but, sleepiness is worse. I find a two hour snooze late morning or early afternoon seems to help.

Review of past few days.

For some reason Helen ( my physician nurse) decided to change my anti-depression tablet to a new one "with no side effects". That phrase always worries me. What drug has ever had no side effects?

In the event, after taking the first one I had a dream of epic proportions, involving the queen, Regent's Park zoo,my old school choir, rowing club and our Toyota Previa, long since passed-on.It never reached the end as Lynne woke me in the middle of a loud conversation between me driving and a podgy choir member on the back seat,wondering who I was talking to.

It scared me, being so life-like.

Dog house

I awoke feeling OK but slightly unsteady,until my anti-suicide nurse Helen popped in to see me around 11.00 am, after which Helen stayed for around and hour and a half we had an in-depth and open conversation around my relationship with Lynne .The day continued extremely quietly while  we visited a garden centre after which the atmosphere gradually improved somewhat.

Painting and garden tidying completion

Dinner out with George and Julie last night us helped us to persuade him to complete the now epic -delayed upstairs decorating for us and he returned as promised this morning armed with decorating kit.

By mid afternoon all the hard to get to bits had been completed, leaving the easier bits for us to tackle when we want to, just leaving the electrics to be completed by a competent electrician. I completed the garden tidying and it was noticeable today was a real improvement health-wise.

My last day?

I awoke at 3.30 am to find myself alone, which was a little disconcerting after solid sleep. Having read a chunk of my book I returned to bed alone at 0430 and after a short sleep returned downstairs at the more reasonable hour of 0730and had my usual breakfast routine by Lynne,  blood check,injection,fresh fruit salad, tablets ) and returned to bed,again alone.Overnight I had reconsidered my intention to return to rowing in the future as the distances involved to and from the club are excessive. Joining a nearby club would inevitably cause me confidence problems due to my health issues and the need to address /explain them all to the other club members, whilst members of my current club are all already fully aware of them and my capabilities etc. A quick check with my new physiatrist nurse eased my mind a little and I agreed with Lynne  I would continue attending the gym  until all options had been explored and resolved, although inevitably this resulted in a difference  of opinion and prolonged silences between us. I attended the gym and returned home in silence, having had a rewarding session. Lynne had no explanation for her absence and tersely blamed my mental state. Am I going mad ?